Combination
by Meicdon13
Summary: [COMPLETE] The absence of the one they need is what drives them into the arms of another. And it seems that everything is better that way. But what if their substitute is ripped away as well? [all possible pairings with Seishirou, Fuuma, Subaru, Kamui]
1. Heaven

**Disclaimer : **I do not own _X/1999_, CLAMP does. If I did, there would be no sneaky we-only-feel-like-hinting-at-deeper-yaoi-relationships-between-our-characters and more direct and straight to the point yaoi.

**Note : **This came to me after reading a Subaru x Fuuma oneshot. I'm a total fan of Seishirou x Subaru (my OTP in _X_ and _Tokyo Babylon_) and Fuuma x Kamui. I'm familiar with Subaru x Kamui as well; I've seen enough scenes between them in the series to see what their fans base their fandom on. I've got proof of Seishirou x Fuuma too. I find them so adorable. I don't know why XP

My apologies for the first chapter. I can't seem to write down how I picture the Subaru x Kamui scene. Lemon scenes in later chapters.

* * *

**COMBINATION**

_Theorem 8 : Order is not important  
__The number of combinations of **n** distinct objects taken **r** at a time is **n/ (r!(n-r)!)**_

**CHAPTER ONE: HEAVEN**

It was because Seishirou was never there.

That was what Subaru told himself as he kissed Kamui's lips and caressed his cheek, as his hands stroked the teen's skin and his mouth tattooed the soft flesh.

Seishirou was never there to comfort him when he was depressed because of an exorcism gone wrong. He was never there to congratulate him on a job well done. Never there for him on the nights when he lay shivering in bed, staring at the angry raindrops pounding on the window.

He was tired of looking for someone who apparently didn't want to be found. He was tired of being toyed with and treated as a passing fancy. Tired of being emotionally abused and sexually harassed. After all, nine years was a long time to search for someone.

He tried to push away thoughts of the Sakurazukamori and concentrate on Kamui lying wantonly on the bed beneath him. He trailed his hands down Kamui's sides while his tongue started laving the curve of the younger boy's navel.

He should have moved on a long time ago. The nine years spent wasting away for Seishirou haunted him and he was trying to make up for the lost time. He was grasping urgently for the love that the younger seal was offering, fully aware that what initially brought them together was actually desperation born from loneliness. He was trying to love Kamui the way the boy had grown to love him, trying to forget the sound of Seishirou's voice, trying to replace the half-blind amber gaze with one of a soft mauve color.

Seishirou didn't love him anyway. He was just a toy to the assassin, something to be used and then thrown away when it was broken. Seishirou had toyed with him often enough to break him, used him to the point where Subaru thought that the only thing he wanted in life was to be killed by the man that had turned his world upside down.

A breathless gasp reached his ears and he smiled before taking Kamui's heated flesh into his mouth and sucking hard. The onmyouji placed his hands on Kamui's hips and swirled his tongue around the tip before taking the member into his mouth again.

Yes, it was definitely better this way. Here with Kamui, he would be safe. He wouldn't get hurt, wouldn't have his hopes repeatedly raised then dashed against the ground, wouldn't lie awake at night anymore thinking of the one he hated and loved, wouldn't feel like his heart was being ripped apart.

It was better this way. And yet…he somehow knew it wasn't.

_**xxx**_

It was because Fuuma was not _really_ there.

His body was there but his mind wasn't there.

His heart wasn't there.

Kamui had always known that he wasn't strong. He had always been small for his age and physically weaker than the other boys in his age group. Being picked on wasn't unfamiliar as well. Being teased and ridiculed was part of life during his younger years.

But Fuuma had always been there to protect him. To stop things when he saw what was happening. To make sure that while he was around, Kamui would be happy and unhurt.

Kamui gasped, back arching, as his hands moved of their own accord to bury themselves into Subaru's ebony locks. A moan escaped from his throat, his breathing quickly becoming ragged as the onmyouji's tongue swirled patterns on the tip of his cock.

Whenever he saw what had happened to his childhood friend, something inside cracked and broke away, falling into a dark abyss. The Fuuma that was left behind wasn't really Fuuma. It was _Kamui_; a horrible twisted parody of the one he held closest and named after him. He hated _Kamui _for that. Because Fuuma deserved better.

Something to remind him that everything that was happening was his fault. His fault for not being strong enough. His fault for not being able to defend the world where Fuuma lived. His fault for not being able to erect a barrier. Everything was his fault.

So he clung to Subaru. The green-eyed youth was the only thing that anchored him, helping him to stay sane during the days when everything seemed to slowly slip into insanity.

Subaru leant up to capture Kamui's lips in a tender kiss. His hands held onto the older man's arms, trying not to lose himself in the sensations the other seal was inflicting on him.

He wanted so much to let go, though. To free-fall into the nothingness surrounding him these days. He wanted to let go and just flow along with the events that were taking place. He was tired of fighting against _Kamui_, of trying to be strong enough to face someone he didn't want to fight, only to protect.

So he tried to concentrate on Subaru; the one who provided the warmth and security he needed. Subaru, who was there when _Kamui_ wasn't, who gave the love that he hungered for. Who understood what it felt like to love and hate someone at the same time.

_**xxx**_

"Why do you love me?"

The question was born of impulse, Kamui's fingers digging into Subaru's arm as they lay together in bed. The onmyouji found himself lost in mauve eyes as Kamui waited for his response. After a few heartbeats, Subaru realized that an answer was expected from him and he took a deep breath.

"I don't know why I love you."

At the disappointed look in the teen's eyes, he hurried to explain. "But is it really important that I have a reason? I think you don't need a reason to love someone because that would be like justifying why you feel that way towards them. I don't need a reason to love you, Kamui. I just do."

(_And I love you more, Seishirou-san._)

Kamui wrapped his arms around Subaru's waist and closed his eyes. "I'm sorry if I offended you…I didn't mean to doubt you. I just…wanted to be sure."

A pale white hand stroked absentmindedly through black locks. Kamui sighed and buried his face deeper into Subaru's chest, relishing the feeling of skin against skin, the way that the rise and fall of the older man's chest seemed like a soothing lullaby.

He pressed a kiss against Subaru's neck and whispered, "I love you too, Subaru."

(_I loved you first, Fuuma._)


	2. Earth

Thanks to my readers that left me a review or comment! It's much appreciated. Sorry for my long absence; things have been hectic since graduation practice started. I've pretty much outlined the entire fic though so all that's left is the actually typing and fleshing out of chapters.

This chap was actually inspired by a Seishirou x Fuuma moment I saw in a scanlation of _X_. I found it totally cute!The pic can be found here : http(colon slash slash)i67(dot)photobucket(dot)com(slash)albums(slash)h303(slash)meicdon13(slash)aarin(percent)20and(percent)20deviantart(slash)SeishirouxFuuma01(dot)jpg

What do you get when you pair up two semes? Rough sex with slight bondage XD Prepare for sexy naked Fuuma on black silk sheets and sexy naked Seishirou with a cigarette.

* * *

**CHAPTER TWO: EARTH**

He didn't know how he ended up being the dominant one. It was a role that he expected from his dear Subaru-kun but with _Kamui_, he expected to be the bottom for the teen. He supposed it was mostly because _Kamui_ let him be the top.

He traced the thick red silk bindings wrapped around _Kamui's_ wrists. The other end was tied to the decorative headboard of his bed; a protrusion from the carvings in the wood serving as an anchor point. Bending his head, the Sakurazukamori ran his tongue down the bound teen's neck, inhaling the scent of sweaty skin as he did.

Again, he wondered why _Kamui _let him do this. Some days, the teen seemed to mimic Subaru-kun; though whether it was conscious or not was something that the assassin had yet to discern. But he was sure about one thing; he found it vaguely annoying that _Kamui _so effortlessly copied his Subaru-kun's mannerisms.

How come the teen had such an intimate knowledge of how Subaru-kun acted? How did he know the precise way that Subaru-kun held his cigarette? The way that Subaru-kun always let the Sakurazukamori enter a room before following? The way that Subaru-kun would watch Seishirou whenever he thought the older man wasn't watching then look away guiltily when he was caught?

Feeling a sudden rush of animosity towards the naked and bound teen gasping and panting on his bed, Seishirou grabbed a fistful of hair and yanked hard, exposing _Kamui's _throat.

"Is this what you want, _Kamui_?" he asked, voice coming out as a hiss, his lips brushing the ear of the teen. "You want it hard and fast? Do you want me to make you bleed?"

A seductive smirk made its way across _Kamui's_ lips. "Don't make promises you can't keep, old man."

Smirking, Seishirou roughly turned _Kamui _over to lie facedown on the bed. Without any preparation at all, he thrust himself all the way in. He paused for a while, letting the tight heat surround him, breath coming in short gasps, hands gripping _Kamui's_ hips tightly. He pulled himself out then rammed in again, the cries of pain coming from the teen beneath him sounding exactly the same as the way he imagined Subaru-kun would sound like.

Seishirou imagined that the lithe young body beneath him was Subaru-kun's. He imagined that it was the young onmyouji tied down beneath him. Imagined that it was Subaru-kun's blood flowing down smooth thighs and making the passage of his hard heat smoother.

The image of bright emerald eyes flashed in his mind before he came.

_**xxx**_

It was uncharacteristic of him to end up in the submissive role but he couldn't exactly ask the Sakurazukamori for a turn to be on top. He really didn't mind though; being the bottom gave him insights on how to rape Kamui. He knew exactly how to make the younger teen flustered and then hurt him. How to give him false hopes then shatter them.

A particularly violent thrust made him hit his head on the headboard. For a moment, stars swam in his field of view. Stinging sweat burned his eyes and he had to blink a few times. His fingers clenched the red silk of his bindings, while his teeth grinded together to keep a moan of mixed pain and pleasure inside.

_Kamui _felt himself beginning to bleed and he managed one of his smirks even though Seishirou couldn't see it. He thought that he was in charge of what was happening. He probably wasn't aware that _Kamui _could destroy him on a whim.

Seishirou's grip on his skin was past the point of slight pressure. His blunt nails had broken through skin, making deep scratches that bled freely. His thighs were beginning to be caked in blood. The coppery scent filled the room's air, combining with the smell of sweat and sex.

The pain was responsible for the intense pleasure that he was feeling. The sting of entry, the blood smearing across his skin, and the feeling of being completely helpless in the hands of someone else were making him drunk with pleasure. But so much more enjoyable would be the feeling of inflicting the pain on someone else. And the only person in _Kamui's _mind was his twin star.

In his mind, he saw the mauve-eyed teen bound, gagged, and blindfolded on his bed. Bloody red marks marring the pale flawless skin. He saw the redness soaking into the pristine white sheets on the imagined bed; blood seeping from the cuts left by a nail-studded whip.

_Kamui _imagined that he was the one in charge; that he was the one who pounded relentlessly into the bound figure beneath him. He imagined the muffled cries of pain, the blood soaking into his skin, the whimpers stifled by the gag.

He came at the image of two perfect tear tracks making their way down his twin star's cheeks.

_**xxx**_

"Untie me. I can't feel my arms."

Seishirou chuckled as he reached over and undid the red silk bindings wrapped around _Kamui's_ wrists. He grabbed a cigarette from the pocket of his pants on the floor. Taking a deep breath, he blew the smoke towards the ceiling, lying back on the large brocade pillows at the head of the bed.

"Stop that," _Kamui _said. "You're getting ash all over the bed."

"It's my bed, _Kamui-kun_," Seishirou said with a smirk.

"But _I'm _in it."

There was a slight pause before the teen stretched luxuriously on the black silk sheets. "Have you noticed that our two…toys have been getting closer to one another?"

"What are you talking about?" Seishirou asked suspiciously.

A smirk curved its way across _Kamui's _lips. "They've been spending a lot more time together, Seishirou-san. I would think that you of all people would notice. After all, you spend all your free time stalking that Sumeragi."

Seishirou took another deep drag on his cigarette but exhaled the smoke in _Kamui's _direction. "It doesn't matter; I'm still the most important thing on Subaru-kun's mind."

"Are you that sure of yourself?" _Kamui _asked, leaning back to look up at him. He licked his lips in a way one would usually associate with seduction.

"I wouldn't be so smug if I were you," Seishirou countered. "As I recall, your twin star seems pretty infatuated with my Subaru-kun."

Silence settled over the pair. After a while, Seishirou turned off the light and settled down to sleep beside _Kamui_.


	3. Salvation

Sorry for the long wait people; college enrollment and everything that goes with it was a huge hassle. Not to mention my now limited computer time (blame my Dad for this one) and writer's block.

And about the line that Subaru memorized, Seishirou really _did _say it in the second OVA of _Tokyo Babylon_.

I _know _this chapter is kinda short but I can't imagine it being longer. And I tried to keep them in character but I'm not sure if I succeeded or not XD Anyway, hope you enjoy and as always, reviews are much appreciated.

* * *

**CHAPTER THREE: SALVATION**

"Hello, Subaru-kun."

The green-eyed onmyouji looked up, his silent contemplation broken. He was sitting on one of the wooden park benches, thinking about Kamui and Seishirou. Now, the latter was standing in front of him, shades hiding his eyes, a small smile gracing his lips.

"Good evening, Seishirou-san," he replied coolly. He didn't want the man to be so close, didn't want the familiar ache to invade his heart again. Subaru wanted to let go and move on, to think about Kamui instead of the Sakurazukamori.

"Do you want to sit down?" he asked, moving a little so that the older onmyouji could sit down. Even if he wanted to forget about his past, he couldn't help but ask the other man to stay.

"Thank you," Seishirou replied before settling down beside him.

They sat in silence as the night grew darker. The stars slowly winked into existence above them as the park grew quieter. Subaru didn't feel like saying anything and if Seishirou was content with just sitting and not trying to molest him, then so be it.

"Why are you here, Subaru-kun?"

The question broke the stillness, a tendril of smoke twisting in the air as the older brunet spoke. Subaru hadn't even noticed that Seishirou had lighted a cigarette.

"I could ask you the same thing, Seishirou-san," he replied. "What brings you to the park at this hour?"

Seishirou removed his sunglasses and smiled at Subaru. "I could sense that you were a bit down."

"That was the same thing you told Hokuto-chan nine years ago."

Surprise appeared on the Sakurazukamori's face before it was replaced by amusement. "Do you remember every little thing I did or said?"

Subaru barely kept a blush from appearing on his cheeks. He wanted to show Seishirou that he wasn't the same shy sixteen-year-old from nine years ago. He didn't bother lying to the older man since he seemed to know when Subaru was lying or not. "I remember some things better than others," he replied.

Seishirou seemed genuinely interested. "What did I say that night?"

" 'I could sense that Subaru was a bit down. You know how they say that you're always in tune with the people you love.' " He recited it flawlessly, without hesitation.

In spite of himself, Subaru laughed. "Of course we both know that that was a complete lie. You don't love me."

_**xxx**_

"_You don't love me."_

That was what Subaru had just said. He didn't know what to say. He couldn't really _feel _any emotions so how was he supposed to know what it felt like to love someone?

He was quite certain that he felt nothing special for the Kamui of the Dragons of Earth. What they had could be classified as a distraction. But was the strange feeling that overcame him whenever he thought about Subaru called 'love'?

"I'm not sure if I don't." Seishirou took a drag of his cigarette. It was a possibility that had just entered his mind; what if he was in love with the Sumeragi but unaware of that fact?

Obsession was not new to him, but love? He did not know for certain if he felt love for the Sumeragi. He really wasn't ready to say that it wasn't but he wasn't sure if it was. Emotions were useless things anyway; he'd rather not have them.

"What did you say?" Subaru asked, incredulously.

Seishirou pretended not to hear. He watched as his cigarette smoke drifted off into the cool night air.

"Seishirou-san, what did you say?" The older onmyouji was surprised when the younger man grabbed his sleeve. Subaru's eyes were wide, his expression frantic, his voice laced with something that sounded like desperation—or hope.

Removing the green-eyed onmyouji's death grip on his trench coat, Seishirou repeated his words but kept his face carefully blank, wanting to see how Subaru would react. "Subaru-kun, I'm not sure if I don't love you."

The tear that coursed down a pale cheek was totally unexpected. Not entirely sure what he should do but refraining from letting it show, Seishirou wiped it away.

Subaru suddenly threw himself onto Seishirou and cried quietly.

_**xxx**_

The green-eyed onmyouji had fallen asleep in the Sakurazukamori's arms. When a cold wind started blowing across the park, Seishirou carefully stood up, carrying Subaru bridal-style. Leaping from the top of one tall structure to another, he was careful not to wake up the younger man. Considering the fact that Subaru had never really taken care of himself, it was no surprise that he didn't stir in his sleep. He was probably exhausted.

Seishirou stopped outside the door to Subaru's apartment. Not wanting to wake up the younger man from his much needed sleep, Seishirou shifted his hold on Subaru so he could look for the keys in his pockets without dropping him. It was very out of character for him to be so considerate of the Sumeragi but something that _Kamui _had said made him think.

"_Have you noticed that our two…toys have been getting closer to one another?"_

That one sentence had affected something inside of him. He wasn't really sure what the feeling was but it was something that he'd rather not experience again. It was uncomfortable and it felt like…an emotion.

He gently placed Subaru on his bed and left the apartment. He managed to stop himself from looking back as he did.


	4. Damnation

I thought that it was more appropriate if Fuuma and Kamui had a lemon scene instead of Seishirou and Subaru (_is killed by SeiSub fans_). I'll make a lemon for them too! Eventually…and in a different fic…Maybe…

I firmly believe that Kamui is a masochist and that he's asking for it. He really is. I actually find him very slutty in the series, practically _throwing _himself at every single guy around him—! (deep breath) Anyway.

And yes, I _know _Kamui being ambushed by Fuuma in an alley is cliché, but hey, sue me. And sex in an alley is kinda…I dunno…I'm not even sure if this is non-con. Maybe pseudo-non-con? Probably non-con…Don't ask. I'm not in my right frame of mind.

I can't believe I actually wrote 'manhood' XP [/offtopic

* * *

**CHAPTER FOUR: DAMNATION**

Kamui was walking home from school. Today, he had seen Fuuma; had watched as the older teen acted like a normal person with no inkling about the impending end of the world.

It had been hard meeting that warm brown gaze and acting like there was nothing wrong between them. Every time Fuuma smiled, Kamui remembered him smiling before piercing his hand with the holy sword. That was the hardest part; seeing Fuuma smile at him with all the affection and friendship, he felt shining in his eyes.

Noting that it was beginning to grow dark, Kamui began to walk faster, wanting to get home as soon as possible; Subaru was probably waiting for him. As he passed an alley between two seemingly abandoned buildings, hands suddenly shot out of the darkness, dragging him into the small space.

Strong hands pinned him to the wall of one building, making sure he couldn't move. Kamui looked up to see Fuuma smiling at him. "Hello, Kamui. What brings you to this part of town?"

Trying not to panic, Kamui forced himself to answer. "I'm on my way home, Fuuma. And I'm kind of in a hurry, so please let me go."

"But Kamui that would be no fun at all…" Fuuma whispered, leaning in closer to trace a path down Kamui's cheek with his tongue. The smaller teen whimpered softly at the feeling, hands coming up to clench the fabric of Fuuma's uniform. Kamui wanted to push him away and make a run for it but the other teen's weight and size made things look grim for any hope of escape.

"Kamui, I missed you," Fuuma said evenly. One hand released his shoulder and ruffled the smaller teen's hair absentmindedly. "I missed hearing you scream, watching you bleed, seeing tears flow down your cheeks."

Kamui's breath came in short gasps, still too frightened to move even if Fuuma's grip on him wasn't as tight as before. "Fuuma…let me go…" he managed to whimper.

"Kamui," Fuuma said patiently, his tone not unlike the tone of a mother who is scolding her child, "I've already told you that my letting you go would be no fun at all. We haven't seen each other for a long time and I really missed you. You wouldn't want to deprive me of this much-awaited reunion, now would you?"

The smaller teen was finding it increasingly difficult to think since Fuuma's free hand had somehow found its way beneath his uniform jacket and shirt and was now caressing his stomach. It was surprisingly gentle but Kamui knew that Fuuma could easily plunge his hand into his body and rip out his stomach or any other internal organ it encountered.

"I knew you would understand," the brown-eyed teen whispered, pressing his body against Kamui's, both hands now busy removing Kamui's uniform jacket.

"I've found new ways to make you hurt, Kamui," he said softly, lips moving against Kamui's neck. "Seishirou-san helped me."

His mauve eyes were filling with tears for some reason. Kamui tried to push Fuuma away but he didn't really have the heart to put up much of a fight. Somehow, being around Fuuma always made him weak, as if he relied on the brown-eyed teen to protect him and that when Fuuma was there, he didn't feel the need to be strong.

Hands began to undo his belt, leaving his jacket open. Kamui leant against the wall, still partially pinned against it by Fuuma's larger body. Fighting would lead to injuries and he still hadn't healed sufficiently since their last encounter. He was surprised when he was suddenly turned around, his cheek scraping against rough brick.

His lower half was totally exposed to the cold evening air, Fuuma's hands holding his hips. "Scream for me, Kamui," Fuuma whispered before ramming into him.

_**xxx**_

The scream that ripped through the cold air made shivers of pleasure run down Fuuma's spine. His grin was feral as he waited a few moments before moving again. It wasn't so Kamui could adjust but because he wanted to savor the feel of being inside Kamui's tight ass. With a moan, he pulled out then slammed in again.

He noticed that Kamui was being quiet, his hands trying to find something to hold on the brick wall he had him pressed against. Even though he was holding nothing back, all that he could draw out from Kamui were whimpers and winces, no more screams. A bit annoyed that he wasn't getting the reaction he wanted, Fuuma reached up to hold Kamui's chin. He jerked the smaller teen back, exposing his neck. He bit down brutally, breaking through skin, and feeling hot blood rush into his mouth.

Kamui cried out, hands flying up to grip the strong hand that was holding his chin. For a few moments, he tried to get free but quickly settled down. He stood limply, half-leaning on Fuuma for support, blood running down the side of his neck and the back of his thighs. It was a shock to realize that Kamui was actually letting Fuuma have his way with him.

"What's wrong with you, Kamui?" Fuuma asked, more out of curiosity than worry.

"Don't…stop…Fuuma…"

Fuuma had to place his ear near Kamui's mouth to hear what the mauve-eyed teen whispered. He licked his bloodstained lips then the wound he had made on Kamui's neck. He smirked, eyes glinting. "If that's what you want."

_**xxx**_

Somehow, it didn't really matter what happened to him. For some reason, he had lost the will to care anymore. What was the point? Fuuma was always going to be stronger than he was, always going to be better whatever happened. Resisting only made things worse; Fuuma would get angry and Kamui would get hurt. Nothing good came out of resistance so Kamui decided that he would just… go along with it.

The pain still elicited automatic responses though. Kamui cried out a few times and whimpered but he wouldn't scream. He lay limply in Fuuma arms, letting the older teen have his way with him. Blood began to run down his legs and Fuuma was still busy licking the side of his neck where the wound had stopped bleeding.

Kamui was surprised when he felt a hand snake down to his front, loosely cupping his manhood. Frantically, the mauve-eyed teen tried to stop Fuuma from stroking him, slowly making him hard. The larger teen squeezed Kamui's member in warning before whispering, "Little boys get rewards for being good." He ground his hips into Kamui's ass for emphasis, making the Seal gasp in pleasure as he hit his prostate.

In spite of himself, Kamui slowly grew hard. His hands flew to grasp Fuuma's wrist, trying to stop him but Fuuma merely shook them off before continuing in his ministrations. The smaller teen gasped and whimpered, burying his face into the crook of Fuuma's neck.

_**xxx**_

The world had shrunk down to just the two of them in a dark alley. The cold air didn't bother him and he didn't worry about anything else besides the warm body pressed against him. Kamui was being _very _submissive and though it was initially annoying, he found a certain appeal upon seeing the mauve-eyed teen lying helplessly in his arms and mostly covered in his own blood.

A sudden rush of power flowed through him and with one final thrust, he came hard into Kamui's willing form. The smaller teen clamped down onto his neck, not hard enough to break the skin but hard enough to leave a mark. Kamui came as well, his seed covering Fuuma's hand and splattering on the brick wall in front of them.

Fuuma pulled out of Kamui and let go of him. Without the larger teen's body as support, Kamui collapsed and lay panting on the ground. The backs of his legs were covered with blood and semen, crimson streaks were on his neck and uniform, and semen coated his front. Fuuma cleaned himself off using his handkerchief throwing the soiled cloth carelessly over his shoulder and fixed himself before kneeling down beside his spent twin star.

"You've been very good, Kamui," he said softly before kissing the younger teen's forehead.

Kamui merely lay there, seemingly broken. His eyes were filling with tears and Fuuma leant down to lick them, as usual. He was surprised when Kamui grabbed the front of his coat to pull him down for a kiss.

It was quick and chaste. And quite unexpected. When the small hands released him, Fuuma's face was blank but his mind was whirling. His hand closed around Kamui's throat on instinct but he didn't really do anything else, simply let his hand rest there.

"A very good boy," he said after a few more minutes. He helped Kamui stand up and using the mauve-eyed teen's uniform jacket and shirt, cleaned him up. He threw both of the dirty clothes deeper into the alley as well. As he watched Kamui shiver in the cold night air, he took off his leather coat and helped the smaller teen put it on.

Fuuma wasn't gentle; he was brisk and business-like. He didn't speak while he was going through the motions of helping Kamui and he silenced the other teen with a stern look whenever he tried to ask a question or say something.

He wasn't doing it because he cared for his twin star. Of course not. He was simply playing with Kamui's mind, making it even more difficult for the Seal to understand his motives. It was an attack on the psychological level and Fuuma enjoyed it almost as much as he enjoyed physically hurting Kamui.

Wordlessly, he picked up Kamui, carrying him bridal-style as he leapt up onto the roof of one of the buildings. Quickly, he made his way towards CLAMP, the night air slicing through his thin shirt but he simply ignored it and let Kamui keep the coat.

Fuuma dropped off the smaller teen at the entrance to the campus grounds and turned to leave when a small hand grabbed his wrist. He wanted to leave but his instinct to torture Kamui kicked in; he would stay only for a little while then leave, making sure to depart when Kamui was sufficiently emotionally unstable.

"I want to know," Kamui said softly, "if I was with Fuuma or with _Kamui_ tonight."

Fuuma smiled though his twin star couldn't see it. "Maybe you were with a little bit of both."

He left.


	5. Hell

Hmm…I'm still alive. Interesting. Well…I'm in college now and my only excuse for taking so long to update is that I'm lazy and my attention span is next to nothing. So…haha.

This is the second-to-last chapter of my multiple-pairing fic of rawr. Hope you like it and many thanks for waiting for the update. The setting for this chapter is kind of like a blend of the anime and manga.

This was written while listening to _Sacred_ by Tokio Hotel. It gave me chills for some reason…Especially the line, "To me, you'll be forever sacred."

* * *

**CHAPTER FIVE: HELL**

Kamui was dead. Fuuma was not.

The older teen sat at a table in a popular outdoor café, staring at the cup of coffee in front of him. Something told him that he used spend a lot of time here with Seishirou-san. Not that he remembered his time as the Kamui of the Dragons of Earth clearly; it was more like bits and pieces that hinted at a larger picture. And strangely enough, his time with the onmyouji was more vivid than the time he spent with any other Angel.

Sometimes, Fuuma could still see Kamui. Sometimes he still dreamt about the younger teen, still felt the frail body slowly dying in his arms. Still wished that everything could have ended up differently. Any ending as long as Kamui was alive and happy _and with him_.

He never wanted any of those things to happen. All he wanted was to protect Kamui; to keep him safe and happy, away from the hardships of life. He wanted to see Kamui and Kotori smiling and laughing together as they lived their lives to their full potential.

It was unfair that he was never given a choice, a say in the way things turned out. He never wanted to be Kamui's twin star. He never wanted to hurt the mauve-eyd teen. Never wanted to kill him. Never wanted to force Kamui to sacrifice himself to save him and the rest of humanity.

A shadow fell across the table and cup, stopping the teen's reflections. He looked up to see Subaru.

"You're late," he stated simply.

_**xxx**_

Subaru sat down in front of the teen. When a waiter arrived to take his order, he thought for a moment. What would Seishirou-san order? Since he was the new Sakurazukamori, he needed to be every bit the person Seishirou-san was. It made sense. He gave up after a few minutes and asked Fuuma what Seishirou-san usually ordered.

The teen sighed then placed the order, waiting for the waiter to leave before talking. "So, why are you late, Subaru-san?"

The onmyouji winced. "Don't call me that."

"Don't call you what?" Really, Fuuma could be dense.

"Subaru-san. Don't call me that. Seishiro-san called me Subaru-kun."

"But I'm not Seishirou-san."

Subaru sighed. Of course Fuuma was Seishirou-san! There were times when he looked at the teen and saw the older onmyouji, therefore he was either channeling Seishirou-san's spirit or he was the man himself. Seishirou-san would _never_ let anyone be his proxy when he could be there himself so that meant Fuuma was Seishirou-san. Somehow. Subaru had yet to figure that out.

His drink arrived and he took a sip, making a face when it was too hot. He looked at the teen. "Did Seishirou-san drink his coffee right away or did he let it cool first?"

"He blew on it a couple of times but that's it."

So Subaru did the same and drank the coffee. It was still too hot for his tastes but if that was the way Seishirou-san did it, then that was how he would do it. He was even wearing a black trench coat that he took from Seishirou-san's house. It was probably Seishirou-san's. Subaru thought it made him look very evil.

_**xxx**_

Fuuma wondered why Subaru-san was smiling. It was a small proud smile, like the one a child would have when he knew he had done something right. It didn't really suit the former Seal's face.

They sat in silence for a while and the teen was about to say something when the older man beat him to it. "Look like Seishirou-san."

Fuuma raised an eyebrow. "What?"

Subaru placed his cup on the table and leaned towards him, mismatched eyes narrowed. "Look like Seishirou-san."

Annoyance replaced confusion as Fuuma replied, "I can't just change my appearance to look like somebody. You're the onmyouji; if you want, cast an illusion to make me look like Seishirou-san."

Subaru looked hurt and the teen wondered why he should care that the older man was dejected. "But that would be different. That would be me making an illusion. There are times you look like Seishirou-san. Why can't you do it now?"

"Well there are times when you look like Kamui but I don't ask you to look like him, do I?" Fuuma snapped. Then he realized what he had just said and sat still.

He didn't mean to blurt out his secret; that sometimes Subaru-san's features would seem to change and he would end up looking at Kamui. It had been a surprise at first and he thought that it was because he was missing the younger teen so much. It didn't stop though and he wondered if he were losing his mind. But he wanted to keep seeing Kamui looking back at him, talking to him, smiling at him, so he kept seeing Subaru-san on the hopes of catching a glimpse at the mauve-eyed teen.

Apparently, Subaru-san was doing the same.

_**xxx**_

"I look like Kamui?" He was confused. He couldn't look like Kamui. Kamui looked like Kamui. He looked like himself. He looked like the present Sakurazukamori. Only Fuuma looked like Seishirou-san.

Fuuma refused to meet his eyes and Subaru frowned. He opened his mouth to say something but was stopped when he found himself looking at Seishirou-san. Seishirou-san was sitting there beside Fuuma, hands folded on the table. He looked exactly like he had always looked.

His lips moved but there was no sound. He seemed to give up after a few tries then smiled. It was a different sort of smile than his usual ones. For one thing, it was a real smile. Seishirou-san was smiling at him—_really_ smiling at him—and he was dead and gone and Subaru was alone and hurt and lonely—

He lowered his eyes and picked up his coffee to drink it. When he raised his head again, he only saw Fuuma.

_**xxx**_

Fuuma finally worked up the courage to look at Subaru. He immediately regretted it when he saw Kamui looking back at him from his spot beside Subaru. His chin was resting on one hand, the elbow on the table, while his other hand was placed on the table. He was wearing his school uniform. Fuuma felt himself blushing, remembering their moment in the alley. He had always felt guilty about that time.

Kamui didn't try to speak or anything. He reached out with one hand to try to hold Fuuma's but stopped when he was just a few centimeters away. He shook his head sadly before smiling at Fuuma.

It hurt too much to see the other teen so Fuuma closed his eyes. When he opened them again, Subaru was alone and was looking at him with mismatched eyes that seemed as confused and sad as he was.

_**xxx**_

Subaru stood up, pulling his trench coat tighter around his thin body. "I'm leaving," he said softly, placing his share of the bill on the table. "I don't want to see you anymore today."

Fuuma didn't seem to be listening to him; his hands were covering his face and his elbows were on the table. Subaru had the oddest impression that the teen was crying and he had no idea why. He suddenly felt like crying too so he had to leave and go home and crawl into Seishirou-san's bed. He would cry there.

He turned around and walked briskly, ignoring the other people on the streets, feeling lonely and small and insignificant.

Because Seishirou-san was dead. And he was alive.


	6. Purgatory

**IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE: **I know that what Seishirou said while he was dying was, "Boku wa kimi wo (insert word here)," which can be translated more or less into, "I hope you know how much I (insert word here)," or "I (insert word here) you. After consulting my Japanese prof, he said that after 'wo', the proper word would be 'aishiteru'. So…yeah XD

Well…This is it. The final chapter of _Combination_. I am eternally grateful to all of the people who stayed with me throughout the entire thing.

And sorry Angel; following true CLAMP fashion, this is going to be angsty too.

* * *

**CHAPTER SIX: PURGATORY **

Seishirou sat in silence, wishing that he could smoke a cigarette. Since he was dead, his body didn't have the same cravings as before but habits were hard to break and he longed to have a cigarette between his fingers again. He settled for pushing up his sunglasses and waiting for Subaru to enter the house.

The entire day, Seishirou had followed Subaru around the city, watching the younger onmyouji. It was a bit of surprise when Subaru went home to the house that Seishirou had left him. The younger man went to what had been the Sakurazuka's bed and lay down, hugging a pillow tightly.

Seishirou's heart (he had a heart?) broke when he saw that Subaru was crying. He knelt on the floor and tried to embrace the younger man but he simply passed through him.

By that time, Seishirou had accepted the fact that his obsession with Subaru had more or less turned into love. And it had taken his death to make him realize that fact. He wondered if Subaru had even heard his last words; he had whispered them, his strength quickly fading.

He had lost the bet. He had fallen in love with Subaru after that fateful year even if he himself hadn't realized it at that time. Never having experienced an emotion before, he didn't know that the feeling coursing through him whenever he saw the younger man was not mere obsession but something more profound.

The moonlight spilling through the window highlighted Subaru's features. Seishirou reached out to brush away a stray strand of hair from the younger man's face, only to see that Subaru's eyes were half-open and looking at him.

"Seishirou-san…" he whispered, voice filled with something that sounded like awe and disbelief and _hope_. That was what hurt the most; that Subaru still clung to a few shreds of hope that made him think it was possible for Seishirou to come back. Because really, even if he wanted to, he couldn't come back.

Seishirou couldn't do anything except smile (he was surprised when the smile felt _real_), stand up, and leave, ghosting a kiss over Subaru's forehead before he did.

_**xxx**_

Kamui had stayed behind at the café with Fuuma, watching helplessly as the older boy cried quietly (Fuuma was supposed to be the strong one!), hands covering his face.

Kamui felt useless; he couldn't do anything to comfort Fuuma, couldn't tell him that it was all right, couldn't tell him that he was happy that Fuuma was alive and well even if he himself were dead. Because what did his life mean anyway if Fuuma were not around? There was no point in going on if the older boy was dead and he would gladly do everything the same way as before if it only meant the assurance that Fuuma would have a future.

Desperate, Kamui tried to speak, to say something, _anything_. "Fuuma, I'm here," he said softly, sadly. He sat down beside the other teen, praying that he would hear.

Fuuma apparently did since he turned his head to face the direction where Kamui more or less was. "Ka…mui…?" He looked like he was about to cry even harder and Kamui felt like crying as well. If he could come back to life and die again (and again and again and again) he would, as long as Fuuma would never get hurt.

At that moment, a waiter came up to them to ask if everything was all right and Fuuma stood up, swiping at his tears with the back of his hand, saying that he was perfectly fine. He turned around to walk back home.

"Goodbye," Kamui whispered, still sitting, back turned to the older teen and he felt Fuuma pause before walking away.

_**xxx**_

"Do you miss him?"

Middle of night at an empty train station. Seishirou and Kamui were sitting on the platform floor, staring at the opposite side of tracks. Not that it mattered if there was anyone there; no one could see them anyway, except maybe Fuuma and Subaru and those two were both locked away in their respective bedrooms.

The question caught Seishirou by surprise and it took him a few minutes before he could reply. "Yes." He looked at the teen and it was apparent that he was waiting for Kamui to answer his own question.

"I miss him more than I thought I ever would," he replied softly.

Silence again. And they would probably meet again some other time. Because they couldn't touch, couldn't feel, couldn't hold the one they wanted and needed and loved. So they sat in companionable silence with another spirit that refused to leave the human realm in favor of watching and observing the person they had left behind.

The former Sakurazukamori stood up and made as if to leave but he stopped at another query that Kamui asked. "What were you trying to tell Subaru earlier?"

Earlier. At the café. Seishirou glanced over his shoulder to smile enigmatically at the mauve-eyed teen. "What do you think I tried to tell him?"

(_I love you, Subaru-kun._)

Kamui grinned at the older man though there was something infinitely sad about the expression. "I'm sure I wouldn't know, Seishirou-san."

"And if you were given the chance to tell Fuuma-kun one thing, what would you say?"

"I think that would be obvious."

(_I'll always love you, Fuuma._)

Seishirou began walking again. "Well, I have to go. 'Til next time."

"See you later, Seishirou-san."

**OWARI**


End file.
